Artivities and Projects

Commodity Self Portrait

Stewart Ewan defines ones commodity self as the way in which one uses consumer products to create ones own identity. We purposely choose to support particular companies, stores, media campaigns and styles as we identify with the identity they are selling. I believe that what is left out of this description is how family and upbringing may play an essential role in the consumer products we choose to purchase and the meanings we attach to these products. I am incredibly close with my family, which is why I placed a picture of them on my portrait. I grew up on the East Coast, which has greatly defined the ways in which I choose to present myself. As a child I closely examined my family members, what they wore, what they dressed me in as a young girl and what my attire and lifestyle said about “me.” Overtime I have learned that in the summer its whites, pinstripe, floral prints, eyelet, navy and khaki; in the fall its quilted jackets, j brand skinny jeans, riding boots, scarves and autumn tones; in the winter its Patagonia, J. Crew corduroys, cashmere, winter whites and cozy sweaters. I chose to identify with these trends. I chose to primarily shop at east coast staples such as Patagonia and J. Crew. I chose to define myself this way and was influenced by the town in which I was raised.

My portrait has four designers that I wear religiously as I have always considered them “classic.” Until doing this project I had never addressed what that meant for me. That is why I chose to put the photograph of the model on my portrait, as she is dressed nearly identical to the ways in which I choose to present myself. This somewhat preppy, clean-cut, “controlled” style is so indicative of who I am or who I want to be. I am disciplined by nature, organized and diligent. These perfectionist traits may be seen as beneficial however these “qualities” frequently leave me susceptible to the paralyzing feelings of self-doubt. I control my outward appearance because much of the time, internally I feel a lack of control. This is shown on my self-portrait through the signs “perfectionist” and “perfectly imperfect.” These are the devils and angels that fight on either side of my head. One telling me “you are wonderful the way you are” and the other saying “you can and should do better.”

The way I choose to dress is also related to the ways in which I perform my own gender. In the past I always considered myself a “weak feminist” because of how “feminine” I chose to be. I am girly, yes, which is represented by the orchids surrounding my portrait, the pastel tones, the mannequins light makeup etc… This femininity is an act I choose to participate in for no other reason than it’s the performance I feel most comfortable putting on. From a very young age I ALWAYS wanted to wear dresses. I still love dressing up for special occasions but overtime I have become much more relaxed in the way I choose to present my gender. I am a conservative dressing liberal, which I realize is somewhat of an oxy moron. At first glance people stereotype me as an uptight republican, which could not be further from the truth. I am a radical liberal, which is shown through my hard work and dedication to and for Planned Parenthood. I intentionally wrote Planned Parenthood across the models figure as for the sake of this work she represents me. My entire senior capstone is focused on comprehensive sex education in school systems, the importance of college level courses in human sexuality and the need for more open and honest sex talk between children and their parents.

At first glance I can see why individuals may place me into a category I do not belong in yet I am not willing to change my outward appearance just so people know where my passions lie. My portrait is adorned with preppy companies, floral prints, east coast scenery, snowflakes (my love of seasons), Columbia Teachers College, where I was recently accepted for a masters in elementary teaching (my biggest passion of all) and pictures of my family. These things truly represent a huge part of who I am. Beyond my commodity self there is a Planned Parenthood sign and various slogans (the feminine feminist), which are of equal importance. This may not be how others view me at first glance, but I can assure you I am the first person my friends come to when they need advice about their bodies, their relationships and their sexual health. I have attended rallies with Planned Parenthood dressed in a navy crew neck and seersucker shorts because that’s simply who I am. Last year I wrote a paper on Gloria Steinem. Through this process I realized that it was okay to be a “feminine” feminist woman, who loves men, loves women, loves her family, loves nail polish, loves mascara, loves highlights, and pastels. Basically I learned and continue to learn that it is okay to just be me.